Without you, I'm giving it away.

I have built up a wall to block you away, to fight you off. I have made it with the thickest of cement blocks and wired the top with barbed wire. Yet still you find a way around. You alone get through to me. I hate it, but not you. Never you. In fact, I adore you.

I do things I never planned if just to let you know how much you mean to me. All you have to do is ask and I will be there, you know. Maybe now you have begun to see it. Maybe now I will find the courage I am so desperately lacking. Maybes never mean much do they? Because maybe I will stay here in this unexplainable state, afraid of your reaction, afraid of my future action, afraid of missing this opportunity, afraid of being judged for this, afraid of being afraid. Or maybe I won’t. The possibilities of the “maybe” are far too many to wade through and discern with ease. So I struggle. Oh where will I begin? When will this end? When will this heart cease to feel this way? When will it finally feel more?

This sucks ass.

“By the way you brought me here, it makes me believe the best is still yet to come
and I don't want to leave. Forgive my hesitation- oh, but I'm learning to trust in you.You've introduced me to the moment, oh but I'm looking to stay for good. If you'd be honest and say what you mean you know I would promise I'd do anything. I know there's a reason. I'm in this too deep and I'm sure that without you, I'm giving it away.”