Restlessness: Well, this morning I decided I don’t like it very much.

It’s that feeling that wakes you up in the middle of the night, the one that induces stomach pains and headaches that have no specific bodily reason for existence or seeming derivation. I didn’t eat something bad. I didn’t drink too much. They come and go as they please, and nothing helps to abate them.

Distracting helps a little, but only for so long. It isn’t the act of examination that I fear, although my palms do get sweaty and my hands shake a little. It is the underlying implication that this examination brings. It seems to me as if they are lined up, all together, each having the same expectant look on their face that says, “Let’s go kid, let’s see what you’re made of,” one thing that I fear the most. I don’t even know what I am capable of, I guess. But somehow I like resting in the unknown, because it leaves no place to reveal lack.

My goodness, I’m nearly 25. When is this going to end?!

This morning after waking up I decided, I think I am going to take a wiffle bat to life’s knees, just to see where it will get me. Because I want to know what I’m made of; I want to know where I lack. I want to make myself better. And well, you will never realize you have the remnants of this morning’s powered doughnut on your face until you decide to look in the mirror. And wouldn’t you rather discover it now rather than 10 min later on the bus when a stranger informs you of it with the universal silent gesture of the “you-have-something-on-your-face” hand swipe? Yah, me too. :)

Quando non sei qui vicino, sei ancora con me.

Quando non volgio andarci da sola , ci andrò con te.
Quando non posso vederti più, a te penserò e ci riuscirò.
Quando il buio scende, voleremo al sole portati sulle ali dell’amore.
Fuggiremo dal mondo, dalla sua tristezza,
Dall’odio della gente, da tutto che c’è di male.