Taking back nothing, because I never was willing to give it.

And what is it now… rubble, a pile of crushed things, these feelings. These thoughts are far too random to comprehend even for me. I am unsure exactly which road I am to follow. Choosing the left one forever changes everything, choosing the right one leaves me to wonder, leaves my heart to ache. And I don’t know what to do. So I listen to Tisbury Lane and pray for a miracle. I think I will lock myself away, or personally discover the damage liquid courage brings. What would be said? What would be thought? Who would stay with me after this? Supposedly those who say they love me. But people do crazy things, and I know it. And this is making me unwilling to go after that one thing that haunts my mind constantly. Everywhere I go I think to myself… wouldn’t it be better if you were here? You constantly occupy my thoughts, STOP! Wouldn’t it be the best thing ever if I could be vulnerably honest, if just this once. I have sat on this bench too long. Now, I am willing to lose the game, burning to the ground in a pile of failure, if just to feel. Just once, damn it!