I have grown tired. Maybe I am looking for something I can’t find. Maybe I am looking for someone who will be to me what I try to be to others. I am exhausted with holding myself up. I want someone else to help me, if only occasionally. I have those people I can turn to, dear friendships that have been formed over time. They encourage me, but their number is few, and they are far from me. I have friends from years past that I now feel I may need to cut ties with, if only for the sake of my sanity. I love them. I do, but they don’t care for anyone. There is no respect, there is only this selfishness and it is tearing me down. I wish people would grow up. I wish people would actually love other people, and not just whom they choose and when they choose to do so. I need consistency. I need relief. I am tired. I am a little distraught. I feel I am the one who might lose in all this. I don’t like it, but I can’t be what I am not. I don’t know what to do, but lose.
I want to tell her what I think of this whole situation, but I fear she will not listen. I fear things that are guised as feelings blind her. Doesn’t she know she deserves more than what he is giving her? Doesn’t she know she is valuable? Doesn’t she realize her worth? I am tired of people not realizing their worth. Instead they settle. Why?
I don’t understand this.
I can’t understand this.
I won’t accept this for myself.
Hold on this will hurt more than anything has before, but it was what it was, what it is. I have grown tired, but somewhere I will find the strength to continue to love, to continue to be the bigger person, to continue to find hope in even the worst situations, to believe people can become more. So take it all away. I don’t feel it anymore.
My heart has these scars, but there is still beauty in past pain.
My mind has these doubts, but there is still hope in uncertainty. My soul has these unfilled longings, but there is still value in loss.
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