This wayward path it winds us about; and honestly, I’m getting dizzy.

I sat on a pile of sand afraid that the small granules would somehow creep into my pants, that they would irritate me. I glanced at the sky and when I did, these meaningless thoughts left my mind. I was enamored of a sight that brought out something in me. The sight of the moon’s luminescence reflecting off the ocean’s surface made a calm rise up within me, it brought peace to a war laden, torn, and heavy heart.

I made a feeble attempt at a picture, but my eyes and my mind captured the scenery much better. How miniscule those grains of sand became as they shrank under the enormity of the star-filled sky above. They seemed nearly irrelevant in comparison to this greater thing. Sometimes I focus too much on the unimportant things in life. However, I find that I somehow get pulled back to where everything is placed into perspective. I am glad for this. Now, I see a bigger picture, a greater end; but I still very much fear failure and regret.

Living uninhibited it hard for me sometimes, I like to plan things out to know what will happen next. But I am getting better with not knowing, with going with the flow, with either having failure or success. I can’t win them all. No one can.
All I can do is try my best, 100 percent effort.
All I can do is push forward with a smile, regardless of the outcome.
All I can do it love, no matter if they love me back, no matter what they say or do, no matter if they harm my heart. Cause that is what He did/does for me.

I bent my knees and with a small amount of force lifted myself from the sand. I shoved my balled-up hand into my pocket to rest. Amongst my jingly change I felt it, the sand, quite a bit of it. I soon discovered that wasn’t the only place it had crept into, but surprisingly enough, my feelings didn’t match my forecasted sentiments. Irritation didn’t come, and I realized this small thing didn’t really matter much anymore. The importance of the matter had come and left, as fleeting as the consistent reoccurring feelings for you, which have plagued my heart this past year. But still I wish to feel them, to live with these messed up ideals, to learn from this no matter how much it might destroy me. Because even if I am destroyed, I can rebuild; and I know that it will be bigger and better than ever before, this love.
Eager anticipation is my friend.
Fear is my crutch.
Hope is my driving force.
Love is everything.
It still is, and well, it always will be.